The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. Not like a dad bod — like, a legitimately fat guy. She's this stunning babe that I've been pining over for months now and she rebuffs me and jumps in bed with this fat slob. What the hell is with that? What the hell does he have that I don't?
Occasionally, I sleep with this one really skinny dude and after we do it, I get these bruises on my inner thighs from where his bony hips slammed into me. I kind of love mild sex injuries. I run my fingers gently over the purple contusions flanking my groin, and it reminds me of being a teenager and wearing hickeys and carpet burns like badges of honor—proof that I was a real grown up. Even though I am fond of my thigh bruises, sleeping with skinny guys isn't my favorite. Rather than detracting from the wonders of the scrawny, angular male physique, I want to celebrate its antithesis: I also happen to be a feeder by default, but I blame that on my Greek heritage.
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